15 Tips To Managing Your Life After A Divorce

15 Tips To Managing Your Life After A Divorce

Happy divorce. Wait, no, people really don’t say that. Divorce is tough, it’s something that we don’t celebrate, we feel bad during it and for the people going through it. Getting separated is an end, not a beginning. It’s the end of the love you’ve had for a person you committed your life to for years. That’s not easy on anyone, but especially you.

Yes, there are different circumstances and personalities to consider but for most people who experience it, separation from a committed partner is difficult. The one thing you have to keep reminding yourself though is that this is not an end, it’s actually a beginning, and just like your last commitment, it’s still your choice. You feel like the other person failed you in some way, and that’s understandable. But you need to remember that you’re the one who has committed to separation and despite that person possibly remaining in your life in some capacity, you need to start moving forward.

Manage Your Life After Divorce

Moving forward sounds easier than it is. However, the reality is that we will move on, especially if we allow ourselves to heal. This is the time when we do not need to become stone and focus on only work and nothing else. We need to heal and grow again and here’s how you can get started on that.

1. Talk with friends: You need to vent, cry, scream and sob to someone who knows the backstory. Friends are great for that as well as reminding you that you still have people around you who love you. Family is great as well, but friends seem to help more, probably because it’s nice to be around people who have chosen to be around you, instead of just being related.
2. Have a plan when alone: Here’s the tough thing to understand when you’re getting divorced, you’re going to be alone. When you’re married, you don’t have nights where you are alone, where dinner is your decision and only yours. You don’t experience days where it’s up to you whether or not you go out or not. You are regaining your independence and with that comes solitude. Be prepared for it, have a plan that’s better than eating three pizzas and drinking.
3. Don’t try to ignore it: You’re divorced, it’s not something you should be embarrassed about or hate yourself for. It happens and all you can do is learn from this and try to get better. Ignoring it means it surprises you again and again and keeps the same impact each time. Come to terms with it and focus on getting better.
4. Build a schedule: You are now in command of your schedule again. Even with kids, you have more freedom to dictate what is done each day. Now you need to build a routine that you can rely on as structure in your new life.
5. Work can resolve a lot: Work should not be your primary focus right now. However, the exact opposite can be true as well. Do you like your job? Make good money? Can you work extra hours? Some people use this time to focus on work in a healthy way where they work 50-60 hours to earn extra. If you work in a healthy and fun environment it could actually be a great option and help you move forward.
6. Counseling does help: Even the greatest friends get sick of you venting and being a Debbie downer. If you are struggling with getting over your former partner, counseling may be the best way to move forward. Divorce is about restructuring every aspect of your life and doing that suddenly and on your own, maybe too much.
7. Think about exercising: Like going for a walk in the morning? Enjoy hot yoga? Exercising is one of the best hobbies to take up after a divorce. It’s almost like resetting your brain and body in a healthy way and gives you a boost of energy and confidence you need.
8. Take up a new interest: What show have you not watched that you’ve always wanted to? What show have you watched 100 times and want to watch again? Like fishing? Like painting? What do you want to do with your free time now that you have some? That’s got to be your approach to alone time, not a self-destruction night of sadness.
9. Take an interest in your kids’ interests: Kids are not going to suddenly be interested in what you’re doing. In fact, after a divorce, kids tend to focus more on their interests as a way to get through things. If you want to spend more time with them, you will have to take an interest in what they like. If that’s video games, horror movies or something like that, prepare to get an education.
10. Build your nest: If you have to relocate because of the divorce, focus on making your new home nice and comfortable. If you are staying put, focus on addressing issues with the property. Your nest needs to be a place of comfort for you.
11. Go back home: Visiting back home, whether it’s a house, a high school, an old restaurant you used to eat at with friends or a ballpark can help remind you that life is a journey, and some parts of that journey aren’t great, but things do move forward.
12. Practice moderation: You’re going to indulge in things to cope with and to move on. Whether it’s drinking, buying stuff, traveling, watching tv or anything else, moderation is a good thing.
13. Try meeting new people: Friends are great, but they also know everything about you. Part of moving forward is building new relationships. Maybe your friends won’t come with you when you try that painting class.
14. Hangouts can be triggers: The bar you went to every other weekend with your ex is probably not the place you should be hanging out at now. Stay away from places that are reminders, you’ll have enough familiarity at home.
15. The right person will be there: Eventually, whether it’s a month or a year after your divorce, you will meet the right person at the right time so don’t worry about it. Being single is an old but familiar experience so don’t stress.

Divorce is not easy so stop thinking you’re handling it terribly. No one handles their divorce perfectly but if you can commit to making this transition work, you can reinvent yourself and start a new chapter in your life that’s better for you and your loved ones.