The holiday season is approaching and with it comes plenty of reasons for us to feel alone and depressed. Every year, millions of people dread the holidays because they’ve had bad experiences or simply feel a let down because they do not have the love and happiness in their lives they hoped for. Another reason many do not look forward to the holidays is divorce.
If you are recently divorced the holidays become a challenging time when you have to navigate between old traditions and new traditions. If you went to your in-laws house for the holidays last year, there’s a good chance you will not be going this year. You will need to create new traditions and routines but do not expect it to happen all at once.
Divorce And The Holidays
When you get divorced you are breaking ties with several people you have grown to love and are used to seeing all the time. During the holidays, those broken ties are felt the most as you are forced to make changes and no longer see many of the people you love spending time with. This can be a challenging transition, especially if you are the one who feels like they are left out of all the holiday plans this year.
Divorce during the holidays is never easy. If you have children and they are spending this time with your ex, you need to make sure that they do not feel bad for not being around you. It is not their decision and even if it is, it’s difficult to ask a child to choose between their parents.
Talk To Someone
You should never be alone unless you want to be. If you are having difficulty being alone make sure that you talk to someone. It can be a friend, family, a therapist or anyone who you feel comfortable talking with, especially about these challenges. Do not feel down on yourself about needing to talk to someone. It’s a smart way to battle any depression or lonely feelings you are experiencing.
Have A Plan In Place
There are a few weeks before the big events happen which means there is still time for you to make a plan. Know a few people who will also be alone during the season? Why not invite them over so that you can hangout and enjoy each other’s company? Maybe there is something you can do with the time off that you haven’t been able to do in years?
People make the mistake of waiting and hoping for someone to notice that they are alone and invite them over. Try not to do that. Your friends and family are going to be overwhelmed with the holidays and planning. You are not usually a guest of theirs so being overlooked should not offend you. Instead, reach out to them, even if it’s just to wish them the best.
Don’t Worry About Being Social
If you are not in the mood to be social this season, then don’t feel an obligation. In some cases, when the divorce is still fresh, you may not feel like seeing and talking to everyone, especially about the divorce. Therefore, feel free to make plans without everyone knowing that it’s your choice to be alone and not because you are not loved and welcomed.
Some good advice during the holidays, especially if you are alone, is to get off of social media. The reason this is a good idea is because social media is going to be full of your friends and family, people you know, posting pictures and videos of how much fun they are having and how many people they are seeing. You sitting at home alone watching all this on your phone is not exactly healthy and will not do much for your self esteem.
Don’t Alienate Friends & Family
Whether you want to be alone or not, you need to make sure that you do not alienate friends and family who have been there. If you want to be alone then reach out to them and let them know that. Do not ignore them or make them feel like they have to do more to care about you. Explain that right now you are not in the mindset to enjoy the holidays and instead would do better with some time to relax and not stress about things.
That’s completely understandable and it’s something that your friends and family will respect. You want to show that you are still around however, and that you do appreciate them in your life. Maybe schedule some time to see them after big dinners instead so that you are not around everyone but still spend time with them.
It’s Ok To Feel Down
Never beat yourself up for feeling depressed or down during the holidays, especially if you just had a divorce. This is an experience so many of us have to go through and it’s something that can be tough, especially if you have children. Consider what you want to do this holiday season and think about whether or not that appeals to you more.
Travel May Not Be The Best Idea
A lot of people get the idea that they want to travel which is understandable. Whether it’s to visit friends and family or just to take advantage of time off from work, traveling is a great way to beat depression. However, during the holidays, travel becomes far more difficult and expensive. You may not want that extra stress and disappointment right now which is why it’s smart to consider skipping it.