Learn some of the most obvious signs that divorce needs to be considered.
Divorce is a world that gets thrown around but few understand what it actually means. It means ending families, trust, relationships and partnerships. It means building a new life from something that is broken. It also means that you need to make sure that you are making the right decision. Divorce should be a last option, not a first one. Married couples need to find ways to work things out and should always consider counseling or some type of help before giving up.
People think that divorce is very common. The reality is that it’s not. While it happens a lot, it’s difficult to determine when and why separation or talks of it could step in. Are you serious about looking into getting a separation? Before you answer that, you need to ask yourself some tough but important questions.
Are You Alone?
Do you feel alone? Are you in a marriage yet feel like you do not have a partner and someone you can rely on? How much time are you spending alone or without your partner? Married couples should spend between 40-80 hours a week together, while awake. While that may seem like a lot to some, to others it’s more than reasonable. That commitment is what a marriage requires and it’s something that shocks couples that are struggling.
The majority of couples that are considering separation list that the other partner does not have enough time for them. This usually has to do with work, family responsibilities and other variables that make your spouse feel less important and can have a major impact on a relationship. As you review the facts you will see mistakes you’ve made but also mistakes or a lack of effort from your partner that you need to consider.
Are You Unhappy?
It’s a simple but important question. Happy people do not get divorced. When you are with your spouse, are you happy? Do you two feel like you’re still in love and together? Or, do you two feel that it’s another opportunity to dump on each other and make each other feel worse? Often, when separation comes into play it’s because one partner has grown tired of being knocked down when with their partner.
Here’s a question, have you tried therapy? It’s a good question and important to ask. Filing for separation is not fair unless you’ve tried to work things out. If there has been no situations of violence or cheating, and the issues are more based on how each other treats the other or the lack of time together, there are still ways to work things out and get back to a healthy and even strong relationship.
Is Your Partner Failing You?
What exactly is your partner doing to fail you and why? Are you feeling left out because they are working most of the time? Are they constantly out with friends and doing whatever they want while you are left alone? What are they doing that has pushed you to this point and can it be forgiven? Often, when meeting with a divorce attorney, clients will state that their primary reason for filing for separation is that they feel that the other spouse no longer cares.
That means that the other person is not committed to the relationship. That’s not something that should lead to the partnership ending. Any partnership goes through these struggles but the reality is that you have to work through them if you want things to get better. Make a list of how exactly you feel your partner is failing you and consider if those reasons are good enough for you to leave them.
Are You Failing Your Partner?
Often, but not always, it takes more than one person to ruin a relationship. Have you failed your partner in some way, even by giving up too soon? You cannot overlook the fact that you need to be patient and work with your partner before you decide to call it quits. Perhaps even letting your partner know that you’re thinking about making a change will be enough to show them how serious you are and desperate for some type of improvement.
Your job is to try and find a middle ground if you can. If you are upset that your partner works every night, do not demand that they are home every night. Instead, try to compromise and work for one or two nights to start. You cannot find a common ground by demanding more than you should and you also want to make sure that your partner feels like these new routines are fair so that they are more motivated to stick to them.
How Bad Is It?
It’s a fair question and one any attorney is going to ask you. How bad is it really? Are you that unhappy and that upset that you are ready to end the marriage? There is no way to reach an agreement and fix things? If that’s the situation, your attorney will be ready to represent you. However, it’s smart and fair to take some time and really think about whether or not you can find room to reach a mutual agreement to retry and try harder this time.
Therapy can help. A change to schedule can help. There are so many things that can improve your marriage that are worth trying out before giving up. However, if you are in a situation where you are getting emotionally or physically hurt, if you’ve been cheated on or other situations that you feel are too much to forgive, then you need to meet with a divorce lawyer.
What’s Next?
If you are ready to move forward with your divorce, your next step is to schedule a free consultation with an attorney in your area. Whatever information you can provide, put it together along with a list of questions for your first consultation. Get the information you need and learn what your legal options are when you consult with your lawyer.